Episode 106: Who Will Take Care of Me? Why “My Kids Will Handle It” Isn’t a Plan

Who will take care of me as I age? In this eye‑opening conversation, Dr. Jay Zigmont breaks down the REAL costs and realities of long‑term care — with zero sugar‑coating. Whether you have children or not, Dr. J explains why relying on family isn’t a plan, what long‑term care actually costs, and how to prepare before a crisis hits.

Learn about his new nationwide solution for solo agers, the Childfree Trust, and why every adult needs a documented plan for who makes decisions when they can’t.

💜 Learn more:
 Childfree Trust → https://childfreetrust.com
Childfree Wealth → https://childfreewealth.com

Support the Alzheimer's & Dementia Resource Center 

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

[00:00:04] Welcome to Informed Aging, a podcast about health. Help and hard decisions for older adults. I'm Robin Rountree. I'm a former family caregiver. I've worked in the home care industry and now work for the Alzheimer's and Dementia Resource Center. The thoughts and opinions express belong to me and my guests, not our wonderful employers and sponsors before making any significant changes in your life or your person's life.

[00:00:31] Please consult your own experts. Today's guest is Dr. Jay Zigmont. He's a financial planner who tells the truth about aging and long-term care with zero sugarcoating, whether you have children or not. He's gonna break down the real costs, the real risk, and what it takes to age with financial security. He's also the founder of Child Free Wealth and the New Child Free Trust.

[00:00:57] Coming up next, Dr. Jay Zigmont.

[00:01:01] Senior Helpers is the only home care agency offering a revolutionary new way to approach senior care, the Life Profile Assessment. This database app is a crucial tool in helping seniors age safely and successfully at home. Combined with our proven in-home care programs and trained caregivers, senior helpers life profile is leading the way to better outcomes.

[00:01:26] For our clients. For more information, log on to senior helpers.com/orlando.

[00:02:33] Robin: And we are back with Dr. Jay Zigmont, and I like to have people explain

[00:02:40] the letters behind their name because you've worked hard for those. So you have a PhD. 

[00:02:45] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yep. I have a PhD in M-B-A-C-F-P and whatever letters I can find. 

[00:02:49] Um,, my PhD's in adult learning, so I'm really on the behavioral side of finance and how do we shift our mindsets around it.

[00:02:56] And then I happen to be a certified financial planner and MBA, like on the business side. 'cause you have to have, I mean, if you're gonna have a degree, you might as well collect them all. 

[00:03:02] Robin: Right. 

[00:03:03] And, and you have, 

[00:03:04] But you didn't start off wanting to be a financial planner, right? You started off in an entirely different thing. 

[00:03:10] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yeah. My background's actually in healthcare and academia, so I, I was a paramedic and then a healthcare administrator working on the education side. And unfortunately I went to healthcare to take care of patients.

[00:03:22] And you eventually figure out healthcare is a lot about finance. If not all about finance, you know,

[00:03:28] Robin: a lot of it, 

[00:03:29] Dr. Jay Zigmont: and I don't know about you, but that just rubs me the wrong way, but I decided, all right, let me use my tools differently.

[00:03:35] And my background being adult, learning my work's all around coaching. So how do we help people change their behaviors, get to their goals, do things like that? And I decided to become a certified financial planner. And when I did that. One of the interesting things I found out was everything assumes you have kids, your financial planning, your estate planning, all that.

[00:03:54] And for the 25% of the US that don't, it just doesn't fit. And that includes my wife and I. And so my research area now is really about how do you grow, age, manage your finances when you don't have kids, and how does that change it?

[00:04:09] Robin: Yes. And I'm surprised it's that high. 25%. 

[00:04:13] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yeah, it's actually, uh, one of those numbers that usually shocks people.

[00:04:17] If you look at kind of the 65 and older range, it's more like 15%. But if you say all the adults, about 25%. And the way it works is about 20% of the US are child free by choice, and another 5% are childless, not by choice. So it's kinda like which path you got to get there. You look at millennial generations, you look at the younger generations.

[00:04:35] Pew Research found that 47% of adults under 49, if they don't have kids, they're not planning on it. Like it's a huge growing population. 

[00:04:45] Robin: And so I'm thinking of your typical person may think, all right, I don't need a lot of care and I'm good, or I may need some care, but my adult children will help me out. So you're saying these scenarios are not. Happening to everybody. 

[00:05:03] Dr. Jay Zigmont: So my favorite is if you say you're child free, the first thing you get is like, well, who's gonna take care when you're older? You know, it's kinda like thrown in your face a little bit. And I have kinda a love hate thing going on with that question. 'cause what I hate about it is there's an assumption your kids are gonna do it and the data doesn't always back that up.

[00:05:20] But if you really think your kids are gonna take care of everything as you age. I don't know that that's a reasonable assumption.

[00:05:27] The difference is for child free people, we know we have to have a plan and we have to manage it for ourselves. So we don't have assumptions that other people will just carry this out for us. You know, we're part of that solo aging community. You know, we know we have to take that responsibility.

[00:05:42] Robin: And you think this is growing in the population?

[00:05:45] Correct? This is like 50 years ago, this wasn't such a thing. 

[00:05:49] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Well, if you look at the numbers, uh, you look at boomers, so we go kind of generational.. You know, when you were the boomer generation, there was kind of an expectation, you had kids like just that's what you did.

[00:06:00] And if you didn't have kids, you were quote unquote a career woman. You know, you've heard that term thrown around and I don't know that I love that either. Well, then you get to kind of Gen X and Gen X started going, uh, you know. Maybe I'll pause for a second and see if I can afford having kids.

[00:06:15] And then you see millennials and they're like, uh, yeah, I'm broke. I'm trying to figure out how to manage myself. I'm still, some are still living with their parents, like kids are not in the priority list. And it's just a cultural shift that we've seen over time. And if you look at the kind of big data, the big data says as women's level of education goes up, fertility goes down, there's a direct relation. 

[00:06:39] Robin: Wow. So , you don't have children or you're a solo ager which is another thing. You don't have a spouse, you don't have children. You don't have that close relative and you think, oh, that's not many people, but it actually is.

[00:06:55] Dr. Jay Zigmont: It's millions. So the number I use is, if you look at the US, there are 15 million child-free people over the age of 55, and about 60% of them are single. So if you're single with no kids, you don't have a support net.

[00:07:10] Robin: Well, hopefully you'll have a little bit, but not the traditional sense. So you have a solution to that.

[00:07:16] What am I gonna do? 

[00:07:18] Dr. Jay Zigmont: So the way we look at it for our clients is we say, you have to have a long-term care plan. And that long-term care plan has to have two parts. One is how do you pay for it? And we all know that's, it's stupidly expensive. I mean, long-term care is just not cheap.

[00:07:31] And I try to get people to put a plan in place for their mid forties, because that's when long-term care insurance is most affordable. And that pays for it. But then the harder question for some folks is, well, who makes decisions for me when I can't?

[00:07:45] And in California, Arizona, you can, there's a licensed professional fiduciary that can do that for you. They can be your medical power of attorney, financial power attorney, executive and trustee. But in the other 48 states, there's no system like that. So for the past four years, I've been working on how do we fix this?

[00:08:00] And we just launched the beginning of 2026, what we call Child Free Trust. Child Free Trust is the first nationwide solution that allows you to appoint a professional fiduciary to be your medical power attorney, finance, power of attorney, executive trustee, and we become your emergency contact. So when the hospital calls is at three o'clock in the morning, we fax over a copy of your power of attorney.

[00:08:21] We fax over a copy of your medical information and we start acting as your medical power of attorney and your financial power of attorney and doing things like making sure your dog gets let out. Like, I dunno about you, but if I, if my wife and I are in car crash and I'm sitting in the hospital next to her, she's gonna be more worried about the dog than me.

[00:08:37] So like, these are the things that have to be taken care 

[00:08:39] of. 

[00:08:41] Robin: Okay. So I guess I'm thinking of. A person in a business suit is responsible for my healthcare, but it's not exactly like that, is it? 

[00:08:51] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Well, the way it works is we've partnered with a trust company and I mean they don't all wear suits, but it kinda is because what we end up in the US is we have the system we call the trust system.

[00:09:03] It's an old fashioned system. It was been around for a hundred years,

[00:09:06] that we're just using with a modern twist on it because it's designed to do that. Now, we're not literally going to your bedside in that suit and taking care of you. We're gonna hire aging care managers and others to help you based on your care plans. But you have a legal fiduciary who's required to put your interest ahead of their own to make sure it gets done. 

[00:09:27] Robin: Ok, so you are not really doing the bedside issues, but you're hiring somebody to take care of that. 

[00:09:36] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yeah, I mean, think about this realistically. You know, I had somebody reach out to me that's in the middle of nowhere, Colorado, and the entire population of the area is 7,000 people. Like there's no way I can fly in and take care of you.

[00:09:48] But what we have in our system is we create what we call care documents. So those care documents specify what do you want? What matters to you? Where do you want your care? Who would you like to help you? If you're living in that rural area, you're gonna have to help us source some of those folks. 'cause there might only be two caregivers in the entire town.

[00:10:05] But what we're gonna do is we're gonna call them, we're gonna pay them, we're gonna make sure it gets done.

[00:10:08] Robin: Gotcha, gotcha. 

[00:10:10] So I remember talking to a local elder care attorney.

[00:10:15] She was sharing to me how many people in her office come in and say, I have no one. So you are the answer to that problem. 

[00:10:23] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Well, technicality we are the answer to that problem for people that have no living, biological or adopted children. So we had to kind of draw the line in the sand a little bit because the legalities around estate planning when you have kids are completely different when you don't.

[00:10:38] So, we're a little limited in who we can serve, but that person, chances are that came in the office probably will qualify.

[00:10:46] Robin: Okay. And so if you're just having a feud with your daughter, you can't just step in. 

[00:10:52] Dr. Jay Zigmont: No. And and by the way, that's actually why we can't serve parents right now. The issue is if we're named as your medical power of attorney and you know, it's our job to say, Hey, you know, it's time to pull the plug type deal.

[00:11:02] And I hate to be so. Crass about it, but you know it, that's the reality. If you're child free, there's nobody fighting us saying, Hey, you know, I disagree with her choice. Now you've got that estranged daughter who's like, well, I don't agree with mom's choice. And we're like, mom's legal paperwork says this.

[00:11:19] And one of the good things of working with a trust company to do this is we are unemotional. You tell us your wishes, we follow them, but that's not always the case with family members. So what we do often, yes, is if you have chosen family and you're child free or you have a spouse, you can list them first.

[00:11:37] We're always the last one on the list or you can tell us who to like consult. Hey, please talk to my friend Ann, she's a good person about this, but our job is to do what your wish. And unfortunately that's not always the case in your estate plans. You know, I had a great example is I had a client who, um.

[00:11:55] Had a little bit of a rift with her family because of religion had gone a different direction. And she's like, look, I wanna be cremated, but my religion doesn't agree with that. Or my mother's religion really. And I'm worried if my mother's gonna be my executor mom wouldn't follow my wishes. And that's a great point. You don't think about these things. My mother has been disabled most of my life. And she wants no machines. She wants like pull the plug as quick as possible. My father wants all the machines.

[00:12:23] Well, if he's making the choices for her, I don't know that he's gonna respect her wishes. It's not 'cause he doesn't love her, it's just, you know, he's got a different picture of it.

[00:12:32] Robin: Yeah, I've seen many adult children have trouble with that. Or one brother says this is what she wanted. Pull the plug. And again, we hate to be glib about it, but that's, you know, end of life decisions.

[00:12:46] And then one sibling is like, no, no, we have to. To wait. And that's stuff you've gotta have in place before you're in that hospital bed. 

[00:12:54] Dr. Jay Zigmont: And it has to be in writing.

[00:12:55] This is why everybody needs paperwork in place. I don't care who you are. And people think like, oh, who am I gonna give my stuff to at the end? I'm like, no, that's an easy question. Like it's who makes the decisions for you when you can't? And what are your wishes? And is it documented? 

[00:13:11] Robin: And it's gotta be documented.

[00:13:13] Dr. Jay Zigmont: And, and by the way, you have to actually sign it. I'm amazed by how many people do the paperwork and don't sign it, like it's not legal until it's signed. 

[00:13:20] Robin: Valid point. Valid point. And I just have to circle back around to the financial part of it. You're talking about long-term care insurance, and it's just this myth that so many people believe that Medicare will pay for their assisted living facility.

[00:13:37] And it won't. 

[00:13:38] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yeah. Medicare will pay for rehab for a limited amount of days, , and then Medicaid only pays once you're broke. And the thing I like to remind folks of is Medicaid funding was just cut considerably at the federal level.

[00:13:52] So like this is a problem. The other part of this is if you're going to rely on Medicaid to care for you, I would like you to go visit a Medicaid facility. The honest truth is there's what you have for money determines what care you get. That's just the truth of it. And Medicaid pays like 30 cents on the dollar.

[00:14:11] It does not pay to have you in that very nice facility and the solo room and all the other stuff. . Well, I want to make sure if you think that's the path you're gonna follow, you know what you're getting because the care you get is based on the money you have.

[00:14:27] And that's why I told my clients, you've gotta figure out how to pay for this, not rely on Medicaid. 

[00:14:31] Robin: Hmm. That's a, that's a harsh pill to swallow, but you're not lying. 

[00:14:37] Dr. Jay Zigmont: This is where, okay, you and I are in the same world. You go and talk to healthcare people about this and they're like, uh, you're, you're kind of right, but you're saying the quiet part out loud.

[00:14:45] But that's the reality check. . And there's been some attempts to fix this. So in Washington they did a state long-term care policy. So you pay in a percentage of your income across your life and you get coverage.

[00:14:58] But what they did in in Washington is it provides a hundred dollars a day of coverage for one year. So it provides $36,000 of benefit. Well, it costs on average $125,000 a year for a year in a skilled nursing facility $36,000 is not touching the 

[00:15:16] bill. 

[00:15:17] Robin: No. Wow, that's very sobering

[00:15:22] Dr. Jay Zigmont: My, my take on this as a financial planner is that you are not ready to retire until you have a plan in place for long-term care. And that includes how do you pay for it and who makes the decisions for you. And some folks say, well, but then I might not be, able to retire when I want to, or I might have to work longer or save more money for retire.

[00:15:38] Yeah. Um, yes. The average retirement balance, I forget the exact number, but it's like 360 or 3 80, 3 $80,000, something like that. And there was just a study came out, uh, a couple weeks ago on this. Well, $380,000 isn't even gonna be enough to cover your long-term care, nevermind retirement. That's the problem. 

[00:15:57] Robin: Yeah. All right. So what do you say to the person who says, I don't wanna save for retirement 'cause I need to save for my children's education? Obviously you're in the child free space, but you must get that question once in a while. 

[00:16:11] Dr. Jay Zigmont: So, there are trade-offs and I was actually just reading a really interesting, um, social media thread.

[00:16:17] And the question they asked was, are kids required? Or expected to take care of their parents as they age. You've gotta see the battle in this thing because there's some folks like, absolutely, I put them through school, they owe me, you know, and I'm like, uh, legally, not really.

[00:16:36] You know, there are a few states that have, uh, family laws that you're required to pay for family, but those aren't enforced. So you're kind of relying on the kindness of your kids. And my thing is. If you don't figure out how you pay for long-term care that's gonna come outta your kids' retirement, then I guess even if they do cover it, so our clients, you know, they're child free, but we have a step in our financial planning process we call plan for parents, and that's about helping their parents plan around their finances.

[00:17:06] And we do a checkup with the parents and kind of see what's going on. And what we find is that the parents are either broker than we thought, or richer than we thought. There's nobody in between. Wow. The income disparities are just so strong.

[00:17:19] So we either have parents that have millions of dollars or they got nothing or, or let's say they got a house worth $300,000. Well, $300,000 in long-term care means it's all disappearing. So like those people that say, we got that great transfer of wealth, they talk about like from the boomers to the others.

[00:17:34] I'm like, I hate to tell you, but that money's going to long-term care. It just is. Mm-hmm. Statistically, if you have two parents, one of 'em is gonna need long-term care and it's gonna eat through most of the estate. 

[00:17:47] Robin: Jay, is it hard to find friends ?

[00:17:49] Dr. Jay Zigmont: So, okay. My favorite part is people like give me hell about it. But what they also realize is they go, well, he's actually saying the truth. 

[00:17:58] Robin: Yeah, you are. You are. 

[00:18:01] Dr. Jay Zigmont: I hate to be the bearer bad news, but what I tell folks, you know, I'm on the podcast like this, okay?

[00:18:06] Blame me. Say, Hey, I heard I was talking to Dr. Jay and he said I need to talk to you about your long-term care plan. Go to your parents and say that. Blame me. Throw me under the bus. That's fine. 'cause I want you to have the conversation because if you don't, what ends up happening is mom breaks her hip, mom moves in with you.

[00:18:22] For hip rehab, I've had this multiple times. Hip rehab's, three to six months. Six months later, mom is like. Hey, she's loving it. And you're like, mom, are you ever moving out? Like, it's not that I don't love you, mom, but like I want my life back. And she's like, why would I, this is great.

[00:18:39] Yeah. And what happens is I argue that your parents planning or lack thereof around their long-term care, has more of an impact in your financial plan than your own plan. Because it's just the reality check. Are you gonna be comfortable putting your parents in that Medicaid home and going to visit them and seeing how the care is, or are you gonna pay out of pocket for it for hundreds of thousands of dollars?

[00:19:03] Or, or, you know, what we get as child free people is, well, you don't have kids and you don't have a partner, so you can move in with mom. I'm like, hold up. Like there was a long jump in there that we missed. Right. But what it is, is, you know, siblings, they'll say, Hey, you know you're expected, or if you're a single child, you know, single kid.

[00:19:24] Then mom's just like, I'm expecting it and I'm like, are you sure you wanna do that? So I had a great conversation with somebody. She moved in with her mom probably four or five years ago, and at the time she's like, mom's not in great health. She's probably got a year or two left. We're now four or five years later, and she's like, mom's still not in great health.

[00:19:43] And I'm like, yeah, but you never know. Mom can outlive you for all I care like you 15 years later and you're in this like what happened and you've given up your life on the way by where I talk to this about with clients is I say you have to set your boundaries before you have the conversation with your parents.

[00:20:01] You know, for me and my wife, we've decided nobody lives with us. Just, I know it's not gonna work. I just know, like, just can't. We'll support them in other ways, you know, there, there are ways to provide support in other ways. Now, does that sound harsh? Maybe. But you know what? I'm not not gonna sacrifice my marriage and my life for them.

[00:20:22] And somebody's listening to me like, what the hell you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They, they put all this time and effort. I agree on all of that. I will find another way to support them that I can handle within my boundaries without losing my mind. 

[00:20:36] Robin: And did you tell your parents this? 

[00:20:38] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Oh yeah. 

[00:20:40] Robin: Okay.

[00:20:40] Dr. Jay Zigmont: The first answer was, Hey, this is facility down the road. It's called Apple Healthcare. This is the one I'd like. I'm like, great. That's the reality check if you have that conversation. Right. If you don't have the conversation, you get the phone call three o'clock in the morning saying Mom needs to move in with you.

[00:20:57] That's a lot harder. 

[00:20:59] Robin: Yeah. So you said something earlier and it's just going around in my head, but your retirement picture, adult child, the most impactful thing to it is if your parents have prepared for their old age. Yep. Did I get that right? 

[00:21:16] Dr. Jay Zigmont: So watch this. I, I always love, uh, I do a lot of press and talk to press all the time, and they love running this article about millennials living with their parents and they're talking about like, you know, get to this age and they still haven't moved out and blah, blah, blah.

[00:21:29] And I, I'm going, you're missing the article. The actual article is the, the parents move me back in with the kids. And I had a couple that was clients and they really wanna take care of their family. They wanna take care of their parents. They had three parents between them, and they said, Hey, I would love to pay for their long-term care.

[00:21:46] I said, great. So we do the math, you know, uh, and the, the number was at that day, $750,000 is what they'd have to set aside for long-term care. Now there's no guarantee they'll use all of it and they might use more of it. That's part of the problem with these averages like. You get, you know, dementia, Alzheimer's where you're in for a long period of time in high level cares.

[00:22:06] I mean, you can blow through that money pretty quick. So I said $750,000 and they were like, I did not mean $750,000. They were like, I wanna care for them, but like, that's more money than we have $70,000. Well, I, I mean like three quarters of a million dollars and that is the real number. And they said, alright, here's what they finally decided

[00:22:27] And it was a great solution for them. What they decided was they would put an equal amount of money aside for their parents as they would for their retirement. So, you know, if they're putting $10,000 away for retirement, they'll put 10,000 away for their parents and they told their parents, when that account runs out, you're on your own.

[00:22:45] Now in their heart, they knew they were kind of equal balance between their retirement and their, their long-term care for their parents. And by the way, go back to your question about. Parents, you know, taking care of their kids'. Education. I like that as a split too. You know, like an equal amount. But the truth is, there is a limit.

[00:23:03] If you don't set the limit and if you don't set a boundary, it's just gonna keep absorbing money, time, and effort. It's not only about the out of pocket money, but now you're like running your parents to doctor's appointments and you're having to take time off of work. I had somebody that, uh, her husband quit his job to be a full-time caregiver for their father.

[00:23:22] Like that impacts your retirement, your financial plan, everything, unless you have boundaries around it.

[00:23:28] Robin: I'm telling you, the one thing I've learned about aging is that it's all about the conversation and the planning. 

[00:23:33] Dr. Jay Zigmont: It it is, and we need to have it. Early. When I say early, I mean real early, like when your parents are in their fifties and sixties is when I'd love you to have the conversation.

[00:23:43] You know, if, if your, if your parents are in their seventies and you haven't had the conversation yet, it's a priority to the point where we tell our clients there's a, a product that's called Knock Box and N O K BOX, and it's like a, a box with a whole bunch of folders with all the information. And we had a whole lot of clients give that to their parents for Christmas.

[00:24:00] Like, mom, dad, congratulations. Fill out this box. We're gonna have a conversation. And I mean, it kind of sounds harsh, but what I was surprised was the amount of parents that were like, this is awesome. I love this. This is cool. We're talking about this because nobody wants to start the conversation, but they all kind of need to have it. 

[00:24:20] Robin: Yeah. Very good. So, Dr. Jay Zigmont, if somebody wants some financial advice or they wanna go with your child free life by design, uh, with the power of attorney, that sort of thing, how do they find you? 

[00:24:36] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Yep. So Child Free Trust is our our estate planning service. That's child free trust.com. And our financial planning service is Child Free Weath at childfreewealth.com.

[00:24:45] Robin: I love it. And all 50 states. 

[00:24:47] Dr. Jay Zigmont: All 50 states. .

[00:24:49] Robin: Thank you so much for this information.

[00:24:51] Dr. Jay Zigmont: Thank you for having me.

[00:24:52] Please make sure to subscribe to our podcast Informed Aging and tell your family and friends about us. You can find us at facebook.com/informed Aging. Today's episode was recorded at ARC's Podcast Studio. That's it for now. We're looking forward to our next visit.